Airports

The sun dipped its brush in the fog this morning, drawing perfect pastels over the mountaintops. It was a little after 7 and I took the long route home, enjoying the warmliness of this brand new autumn day.

There is some magic about the airports; they tend to highlight the human in us.

You hugged me and asked me to take care of myself. "You are going there so you can be useful to the people, so be smart and do what you have to be useful," you said. For the first time I felt you are finally at peace with my decision and maybe even respect it. For the first time I felt such sincerity in your tears, clear of attempts to prevent me from going.

Yet it was you leaving this morning, not me. I stood there for the longest time watching the two of you go through the security line, his striped shirt allowing me to tell you apart from the crowd. I wanted to keep looking at you. We parted lifestyles a while ago and those are only geographical directions we are parting today. Dots on the map. Longitudes and latitudes.

When we get back together, things won’t be the same, I thought, and I think you felt it, too. I could see it in your tears. I love you, mom. Good bye and safe journey.

* * *

I will be gone for some time and I will miss blogging, and all of the wonderful writers I've been just starting to get to know. I should be back by mid-December if things go as planned. I will try to get online every now and then, most probably on weekends, if I get a chance. Please stop by Dreaming of Africa if you want to follow my journey.

♥

Currently listening to Dark Road by Annie Lennox (from "Songs of Mass Destruction")

Our ways part here

There is no pain equal to that which two lovers can inflict on one another. This should be made clear to all who contemplate such a union. The avoidance of this pain is the beginning of wisdom, for it is strong enough to contaminate the rest of our lives. - Cyril Connolly

I wish I could take a permanent marker and cross the last couple of days out of my life, leaving only the good memories of us. I wish I could take a highlighter and make the two weeks before that stand out, overshadowing the mistakes you made in the end.

You left for good this morning and I think it’s for better, too. My heart is screaming right now, begging for my absolute attention. It tells me that now is the time to be hurting and feeling sorry for myself. I would much rather listen to my mind though, which tells me it is time to grow stronger. I bury myself in work and I put my heart to sleep.

I won’t be mad at you or judge you in any way, although you did cause me a lot of pain the last two nights. I think you have a potential of becoming a good man, but for now your actions still reveal your youth too much. Don’t apologize to me, I knew what I was signing up for from the very beginning and I saw all your little irresponsible and immature moments along the way but I would let them slide. I did not want to concentrate on anything negative because there were many good things about you to counteract that, and I had my mind set on having two wonderful carefree weeks together.

You have been kind, open-minded and adventurous. You never hid your emotions and you made me feel special in many ways. I wish you organized your life however, and set your priorities straight. I wish you stopped trying to be a crowd-pleaser and thought about what truly makes you happy, acting upon things which you wouldn’t regret an hour later. Maybe then you’d start making the right decisions the first time around.

I had a great time with you, my sweet California boy.
Stop saying sorry and simply remember me instead.