To write again

I miss the time when my pen would touch the paper and just run with its own strange effort, at its own pace, as if some knowledge of me was fundamentally laid into its ink, some knowledge I didn’t have, but the pen did. I miss the time when I didn’t write poetry... when poetry wrote me. It wrote my life, because my life was reasonably paced, paced well enough for my thoughts to have the time to settle at the tip on the pen, without me noticing, just to fill the white sheets in front of me at the very first breath of creative air, to my own surprise, to my relief, to my happiness. Life has become so jammed with things. Is it a matter or progress, growing up, or both? Where did they go, all of the creative bits that used to flood my head? They are still alive when I dream, but seem to dissolve every morning. They disappear under the weight of all the burdens I work so hard to multiply daily. They get hushed down by the buzz of life.

Image credit: duchesse-2-Guermante
Listening to Weeping by Josh Groban and Vusi Mahlasela

Friends who may be

You can hold my hand if you want to… But at the end of the day, I really need to be with myself. Reminds you of a silly summer song, doesn’t it? I had to borrow its words though because it reflects my life all too well right now.

It’s a small place, he said, we’ll run into each other. We did, of course. It’s a fake attraction, I told myself. My head gets light when I sense free spirit and creativity and he, too, is free-spirited and creative. But I need my space more than anything right now. I need to straighten things up within me before I can give again, and it might take time. Is friendship an option or do things not work like that in real world? Maybe I live in a fairy tale because that way I don’t have to lose anymore. I only hope I can keep my newly found friend.