Moving on

I started packing today. I will be moving soon, you know. I am not moving to something I wish or want or something waiting for me in another city. I hate leaving the town I am so used to, the town with all the familiar places and people I care for. But I am willing to start anew in order to become me again. I am moving away from here, to my independence, to the future without you.

I know that I have to, I know that if I stay you will keep pulling me into your world with these invisible chains of yours, and unwillingly, you will keep hurting me.

I was trying to cling to our friendship, thinking that the wounds would heal eventually and I could slowly move on. But I cried for an hour in the shower today and once I got out I realized that I can't go on like this. It dawned on me that those aren't my problems I am crying about, it’s you being around and trying to help me out.

I have to learn to deal with this angry world on my own, you know. I can't stay here much longer because every time I see you or hear you my heart starts bleeding again. My strength leaves me and I surrender to the swirl of emotions I'm unable to control. I become something I hate to be, I become weak, I weep uncontrollably and I don’t want to be like this.

This is my good bye to you, my love. I realized today that if I don't set myself free, nobody else will. I hope by the time we see each other again, my heart will heal completely and I will be able to be a good friend to you, the kind you've been to me… after you dared to break my heart.


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