Dreaming with a broken heart

When you're dreaming with a broken heart,
The waking up is the hardest part,
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe...

- John Mayer

I roll out and I wonder... were you really here?

You were, just the night before, and after two long weeks of excruciating pain that burned my body and engulfed my thoughts every minute of every day, for a moment there I believed we could actually be happy together. Were you really here, holding my hand, or was it just a sweet dream, a short flashback in my crazy imagination... You came back into my life, but how could I be so wrong as to think that you came to stay? We walked on the grass barefoot. You told me about my nose in your paintings. You reminded me once again how you can touch my heart with the simplest things that you say. As I drove to work, the morning sky reminded me of your palette and I wished I could blend in with it, becoming the perfect tone of your skin, the shape of your cheeks when you give me that kind smile of yours or at least a note in one of your favorite melodies, so you could hum me every now and then.

You gave me hope but you wouldn’t let me anywhere near your heart. I felt slowly falling — the wind rushing though my body like the tiny pieces of broken glass — all the way down, to the very bottom of my pain.

Have I pushed you away that far? I wish you knew all the way that I loved you no matter what I did or said. I wish I didn’t do or say the things that made you run away. I’ll go hide my tears behind the rain, wondering how many more nights I will have to die before I can let you go.


Anonymous said...

Hey - Ive just found your blog - Im sitting at work in London nursing my own broken heart - 4th June - Im not going to forget that date easily. Long term with future dreams and desires. Had no idea it was coming. Just fell out of love with me. All your quotes and words are so similar to how Ive been and am feeling. If you want to share - tiredbunny2002@yahoo.com

Take good care of yourself - and remember you arent alone in feeling how you do. It gives me comfort.

Jules said...

I really hope you are doing better now. Once they are broken, it's so hard to glue them together, and to convince them it is OK to love again.

Copyright © J o u r n a b b l e