Betrayed

I cry. Then I am angry for a moment. Then I am sad… devastated. I cry again. I am angry at myself for letting my emotions loose like that. Oh well, at least I am a female.

I am angry for being trustful, for opening myself to people. I want to shut my world down, hang a huge lock and never let anyone in again. I feel miserable. I feel vulnerable.

A friend has just betrayed me to the furthest possible extent the betrayal can go. I trusted him with a secret and he broke it into tiny little pieces, shuttered like some useless glass on the floor, and then walked over it and jumped over it. I haven’t yet decided what’s worse, the consequences of his betrayal or the very act of it.

I haven’t yet decided what to say to him once we talk. I haven’t yet decided if we are ever going to talk again. How can you trust after that? How can you believe in people? I try to pull my thoughts together but they run away, they sip like streams of sand through my fingers, they don’t belong to me any more.