Cold, cold water
Surrounds me
Lord, are you here now
Lord, are you here now
Or am I lost?

* * *

Time passes and you forget what you felt and how you felt it. Your mind blurs the edges of kind thoughts, takes the warmth out of feelings and mutes the innocence. It replaces them with cold sarcasm and piercing looks that say, "I don’t care." They are lies reflected in the sparkling mirrors of nightclubs, hurting your eyes more than those they don’t look at.

Sometimes you have to take yourself to the point of a light shock to realize there’s electricity in the waters. Sometimes you have to cross the line to see where the line is.

Neither following the rules of the game, nor refusing to do so after you got yourself into the very middle of it, nor coming up with your own rules that were already invented in the form of Russian roulette... none of that seems treacherous at first. You draw the line between pretentious and real. You know better than to let them get in each other’s way. As long as you keep your core strong, this too shall pass, right?

Or will it?

Can it stay and remind you there was time with nothing in it? Will having all of it on the surface and nothing inside eventually come back to haunt you? Will you even care by the time you are done having your fun, failing to recognize which parts of it were unreal?

It’s when the hollowness of the air around you gets into your lungs and stays for a moment, that you choke, and realize how dangerous it is to let it come this close to your heart. That is the time to stop snoozing through minutes and days and get back to the essence of things. That is the place to stop, clean the mess in your head, pack up some thoughts you didn’t need in the first place and put a box labeled ‘past’ into a remote storage, where you can’t reach it, were you won’t be able to use it, ever again, to validate your actions… to justify not being you.

Lyrics in this post: Cold Water by Damien Rice
Currently listening: to a friend talk :)


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